BULLY BREASTS

NOTE FROM THE PRINCIPAL Dearest Parents and Friends, Breastworth Academy is a well- respected academic institution with a fine tradition of stern discipline. We are renowned the world over for the quality of our alumni and the strong moral fibre we instill in them. The world is an ugly place and we must prepare our children, by any means necessary, to enable them to rise to the top of the steaming cesspool of human endeavour. It is an old-fashioned ideal, I know, but nevertheless an essential one. If only society at large adhered to the strict principles of loyalty, trust and ruthless ambition that I ingrain in every pupil here. Of course, we have our critics, those who say it is wrong to reward the strong and punish the weak and feeble. I do not bow to the fashionable principles of so-called modern educationalists. Competition is good, it gives the youth of today what it needs: spirit and determination. Traditional schooling did not leave me with any noticeable scars, apart from a few physical ones, and an inability to sleep without a light on. I cannot allow the torrent of popular opinion to sway my faith in tradition. For without our heritage we are but orphans in the sewers of this noble country. We very much look forward to welcoming your child to our bosom. Boys or girls, we will make men of them all. Yours Sincerely, Dr. Embersnatch Breastworth Academy Principal